Words and things..

Writing freely without fear is something I have been doing since I was a child. I found a freedom starting with a crayon, then to a pen and now with a key pad . I have always discovered something about myself through my writing. Good, bad or indifferent I could escaped into the words. I could work through whatever is happening in my life by discovering a newness in me on each line. Sometimes I am not sure what I am saying until I stop. I surprise myself with where I end up.. if I let go and just take the ride where my fingers lead me. This blogging may become that for me and I will have a new outlet of self. A new cyber me in progress. I am excited about telling stories and hearing feedback on my "take" on things. My timing is pretty good (or so I have been told) and other then my impeccable sense of fashion, my sense of humor is solid. I can and have fallin back on it.. Anyway the journey has begun and the road is open...

Growing ups not so fun...

Thanksgiving this year was as it should be "Turkey filled" but it was not as I prefer it simply family filled. My entire life, up until the last 10 years Thanksgiving took place in my Moms house . It was and still is a small home. When filled with all of us it could sometimes become claustrophobic . Although I would prefer rubbing elbows in passing with my brother unable to avoid one another, in my parents kitchen , with the smell of stuffing in the air and the storm door glass window fogging up from the heat of the oven, then sitting at a table in a restaurant with 20 people and calling it Thanksgiving .

There will come a time in my life when the option of squeezing into my parents house is simply not available. When the entire family will no longer sit around the living room trying to find a way to escape each others conversation. Asking ourselves quietly "How did we ever live here together".. I recall it like yesterday my brother spread out on the couch controlling the TV before he falls asleep. The kids running around upstairs getting checked on and then inevitably punished every few hours.My mom at the stove. My sister everywhere.. My family together... fogged glass door and the smell of Thanksgiving through out the house.

Sadly it seems that time has come and it has been gone now for almost 10 years. I just kept thinking it would return. I was reminded by my Dad as he drove me back to my apartment that Thanksgiving at my childhood family table was something of the past and that saddened me.

My Mom and Dad are still alive and well . My childhood home is still standing and over crowded Thanksgiving ready...

"Maybe next year", I thought as I kissed them both goodbye Thursday night. Maybe next year, I can stand in the kitchen drawing with my finger a smily face in the fog and writing 'My Family still exist" as they always have.. Squished Together.. or I will simply find my seat amongst the 20 and look forward to reminiscing with Mom and Dad in the car ride home.. for them I am Thankful.

Motivation

Not doing anything for an entire day is as much a commitment as running 5 miles. The big difference is no one ever brags about it and typically find something to blame it on. "Yes I took it easy today because I.... ( fill in the blank with something exceptional) all week". I wear my laziness and my ability to be sloth like as I would a Louis Vuitton bag. I own it and I am proud. I can spend an entire day rolled up on my couch DVR'ing my missed TV ordering in and doing absolutely nothing productive without apologies.

I have earned the right to be none motivated and I care less if someone thinks I am wasteing a day. I think anyone who pays money to sweat in a group of strangers is a little odd. Random groups of people dancing to the oldies or bending their bodies like Beckham seems more a waist of time then a day spent with Oprah...

Being able to crash and give my body and mind a rest... without feeling guilty .. is one of my gifts and I might even give myself a nap just for typing this much today.

So it begins..

I was walked through this today by my cousin Shaun. I am not sure exactly what to blog or why someone would care what I have to blog about but alas I find myself here and so I am blogging without hesitation. blah blah blog....